Monday - May 26, 2008

 free advice

I am proud to say that my High School Graduate does not drive with two feet.  Although I'm pretty sure he's never actually heard me yell at the driver in front of me, as I did this afternoon, "You do NOT have a clutch - take that left foot and stick it out your freakin window so you stop hitting the brakes you bloody idiot!"   

Somewhere, somehow, Bryan must have gotten the message because I heard him complaining about the very same thing as I dozed off on our recent trip to North Carolina.  

So I know I've imparted one important bit of wisdom, along with the nasty habit of throwing mild curses at bad drivers.  To distract me from the light show in front of me as I drove in beach-bound traffic (lots of NY plates) along Route 36, I contemplated what other tidbits of wisdom I wanted to be sure he's absorbed before he takes off for college.

Don't wash new red shirts with your white socks.  Check.  Look people in the eye when you shake their hand, Peanut butter is delicious with almost anything, including pickles. Smile and sing a lot.  Check, check, check. 

Hmm, gotta do better than that.  Although I realize he's already learned way more from my actions (ahem, intentional or otherwise,) times like graduation call for more direct, intentional guidance.  So like a Good Mom, I decided to make a list.  

Searching my brain and other, more reliable although often untraceable, sources, I came up with a list of my top ten free advice tips for graduation season to send him on his way (bubitty-say-bubitty-un).   

This list falls gracefully in the gray zone between the reverent philosophy of Max Ehrmann's "Desiderata" and the irreverent cynicism National Lampoon's "Deteriorata".  Here goes:

1. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and 

it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.

2. Being kind is more important than being right.

3. When you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

4. One should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow

he may have to eat them.

5. You can't choose how you feel, but you can choose what you do about it.

6. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. 

7. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?" 

8. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 

9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. Never be afraid to try something new.  Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

OH!  And one more thing - never, EVER forget that there are plenty of people who LOVE you tremendously and are praying for your happiness always.